Samples for Topic Guided Writing

學測衝刺教學：命題式英文作文分享（二）

學測作文近年來命題形式除先前分享的看圖寫作外，也可能出現和指考作文類似的「命題式作文」和「書信寫作」。今天再分享一篇同學以Choosing a Second Foreign Language為題所寫成的文章吧。

題目：Choosing A Second Foreign Language

正如神聖羅馬帝國的查理曼大帝所說︰To have another language is to possess a second soul.（學會另一種語言就如同擁有了另一個靈魂）。學習新語言除可強化記憶力、增加工作前景、方便環遊世界外，更重要的是，每多學一種語言，就可多了解一種文化，無形中培養出多元思考的習慣，為自己的人生開啟許許多多「可能」。當選擇第二外語時，哪種語言是你的首選呢？又選擇這個語言的理由為何？一旦熟悉這語言後，你想做些什麼？

初稿：老師於課堂上講解寫作方向，提示詞彙片語後，請同學於週間完成初稿，並寄至學測衝刺教學指定信箱。

If I can master one foreign language, it will be French. The reason why I choose it is that it is widely used throughout Africa, which is predicted to let the company there earn the fortune, especially electric engineering. （評）需多說明為何非洲有發展電機工程及賺錢的潛力。最後需重整句子，讓句意更清楚。 If I master French, first I would start my electric engineering business there.（評）說清楚因果關係，並做好第一段和第二段的過渡 ex: 因為我看中非洲的…所以我想在那創 … 業，所以我必須精通法文。With its cheap labor, abundant solar and wind resources, vast tracts of land, and closeness to major markets, I could reduce much of my cost and thus my company has more chance to thrive. Stacks and stacks of money will go nowhere but into my pocket. However, the purpose I start business there isn't just for my ambition in making a fortune, but increase the well-educated population there and make people in Africa have a better level life.  （評）將句子縮短些，強調公司獲利同時還要回饋當地，協助非洲人過好生活。 Electrical engineering requires high technique and high degree, which can attract elites around the world to Africa. Therefore,（評）不要只以公司營運賺錢為主軸，要承接上一句（企業有社會責任），說明要如何回饋，這樣比較順。basic facilities, sanitation system and educational institutions will all be constructed. Then the living level there will be improved. That is, the poor can have right for studying and even have right for having a toilet at home.（評）感覺沒收尾，結尾句可調整一下，回到學新語言對你的影響，這樣才有前後呼應，扣緊題目的效果。

二修：下周上課，老師領著同學一起完成細部調整，調整方向涵蓋用字 / 文法 / 句型 / 文章結構 / 劇情邏輯等等，二修即最終定稿。定稿後，學生接著背誦自己的文章，將單字句構進一步內化。

If I can master one foreign language, it will be French. The reason why I choose it is that it is widely used throughout Africa, where I, a prospective electric engineering major, see bright future for solar energy exports. I can envision solar panels stretching out over the vast Sahara desert and soaking up the sun to generate clean, green power. The continent is a gold mine for energy planners. Since I would like to start a renewable energy company in Africa, I would choose French as my second foreign language and work to achieve high fluency in French. With Africa’s cheap labor, abundant solar and wind resources, vast tracts of land, and closeness to major markets, I could reduce much of my cost and thus my company has more chance to thrive. Stacks and stacks of money will go nowhere but into my pocket. However, my purpose for starting a business in Africa isn’t just to set my inner entrepreneur free but also to make contributions to improving the lives of African people. Therefore, I will reinvest the profits I’ve earned to enhance education, healthcare, and sanitation in African communities through various programmes. In short, not only does learning a new foreign language boost my career prospects but it changes the way I see and interact with the world.

Samples for Topic Guided Writing

學測衝刺教學：命題式英文作文分享（一）

學測作文近年來命題形式除先前分享的看圖寫作外，也可能出現和指考作文類似的「命題式作文」和「書信寫作」。今天，我們一起看看同學以 breakfast 為題所寫成的文章吧。
題目：

台灣隨處可見各式各樣的早餐店。有些人習慣早起，只為了悠閒從容地享受一頓營養的早餐。有些人寧願在被窩裡多待一會兒，而選擇不吃早餐。請以早餐為主題，談談你平日早上用餐的狀況，並說明吃不吃早餐對你的影響 
初稿：老師於課堂上講解寫作方向，提示詞彙片語後，請同學於週間完成初稿，並寄至指定信箱。

As a student who rents a house near the school, I always buy my breakfast near my place on my way to school. It used to be a cup of soybean milk and a sandwich. （評）建議改成慣用句型：My quick breakfast usually includes… After I get into my class, I eat them while taking the morning test. However, I sometimes forget to eat them because I am busy preparing an important report or cramming for a big exam. Not until the noon do I find my breakfast is still in my bag. （評）可試著用「原封不動」這種寫法會更生動：find + N + adj，ex: find my breakfast lying intact in the bag. On the weekend, the friendly shopkeeper who sells the breakfast （評）早餐店老闆：the owner of the breakfast spot will prepare some fresh salad especially for me. Her smashed potato with lettuce is the most delicious dish I ever taste.（評）慣用完成式：that I have ever tasted  第一段（評）論述邏輯重整︰早餐內容 > 常因…原因忘記吃 > 沒吃早餐造成…負面影響 > 決定要好好吃早餐。所以早餐店老闆拿手的 smashed potato 這點子搬到開頭前幾句寫比較好。  Most people agree that breakfast is the most important meal in a day. To me, having breakfast is just like putting batteries into a robot and that can make me full of energy and learn more efficiently.（評）好點子，可多延伸「充電」的概念，並精簡句子，如︰it recharges my body and mind, making me energetic and productive. If I forget to have breakfast, I will be hard（評）hard不形容人，建議用上面提過的 find + N + adj 句型，ex: I find it hard to … to concentrate on my studies and sometimes fail the test. Also, it would be possible to ruin the good friendship because of the bad mood（評）可再加料說一說怎樣的壞心情影響了人際關係，可用的詞如︰mood swings （心情陰晴不定）或 irritability（焦躁易怒）caused by not having the breakfast. Breakfast is to me what spinach is to Popeye the sailor that really brings a lot of benefits.（評）菠菜和 Popeye 的比喻很棒，但a lot of benefits 感覺說得不夠清楚，含糊帶過，結尾因此弱掉了。建議加句子，明確寫出吃早餐的優點。 第二段（評）論述邏輯重整︰吃早餐對你的正面影響/ 吃早餐的好處 > 好的早餐吃什麼 > 再以吃早餐很重要當結尾，做出前後呼應的效果。If I forget to have … caused by not having breakfast 這段文字點出不吃早餐的負面影響，放到第一段寫，結構會更好。

二修：下週上課，老師領著同學一起完成細部調整，調整方向涵蓋用字 / 文法 / 句型 / 文章結構 / 劇情邏輯等等，二修即最終定稿。定稿後，學生接著背誦自己的文章，將單字句構進一步內化。

As a student who rents house off campus, I always buy my breakfast on my way to school. My quick breakfast includes soybean milk and a sandwich. I usually have them while taking the morning test. However, sometimes I forget to eat them because I am too busy writing assignments or cramming for exams. Not until noon do I find my breakfast lying intact in the plastic bag. Without breakfast, I find it hard to concentrate during morning classes and sometimes fail the tests. Moreover, mood swings and irritability caused by missing breakfast have a negative impact on my interpersonal relationships. No wonder people always say that breakfast is the most important meal of a day. To start out my day on the right track, I make it a rule to have a healthy breakfast. As to breakfast choices, I tend to go for breakfast that combines good carbohydrates and fiber with some protein. For example, I might make myself a bowl of oatmeal, sweeten it with milk and a bit of honey, and top it with fruit and nuts. To me, having breakfast is just like putting batteries into a robot. It recharges my body and mind, making me energetic and productive. A healthy, nutritious breakfast is my most powerful weapon against a hectic and chaotic morning. Lean and light does start my morning right! 身為一個在校外租屋的學生，我總在上學途中買早餐。我的簡便早餐包括一杯豆漿和一個三明治。我通常邊考晨考，邊吃早餐。然而，有時我會忘了吃，因為我忙於趕作業，或考前臨時抱佛腳。直到中午，我才發現我的早餐還原封不動地在塑膠袋裡。少了早餐，發現自己上午的課很難專心，有時還會考不及格。而且，沒吃早餐所引發的情緒波動和焦躁易怒對我的人際關係產生了負面影響。難怪人們總說早餐是一天最重要的一餐。為讓每天一開始就步上正軌，我將享用健康早餐變成我守則。 至於早餐選項部分，我傾向選擇結合好的碳水化合物、纖維質和一些蛋白質的早餐。比如說，我可能為自己煮一碗燕麥片，用牛奶和一點蜂蜜帶出甜味，最後灑上水果和堅果類。對我而言，吃早餐就像把電池放進機器人裏一般。早餐為我的身心充飽電，讓我活力滿滿，效率高。健康營養的早餐是我對抗忙亂早晨的強力武器。精簡、清淡，正確地開啟我的早晨時光！

Samples for Picture Guided Writing

學測衝刺教學：103年度學測英文作文分享 - 看圖寫作

今天和大家分享英文學測衝刺教學同學們以 103年學測英文看圖寫作題 為本，兩次上課所完成的作文練習。從以下並陳的三篇作文，不難看出透過一次次修改，同學已一步步地累積出英文寫作的能量。

初稿：老師於課堂上講解寫作方向，提示詞彙片語後，請同學於週間完成初稿，並寄至學測衝刺教學指定信箱。

It was such a leisure afternoon that people in the city came out and took a breath of the fresh air. It was just the time that students started to enjoy their summer vacation . Undoubtedly, people that were in uniforms were all walking in a bounce in their steps. （評）鋪梗鋪太長，且和圖中主角無直接相關，無加分效果，建議精簡成一句帶過，然後直接切入圖中主角。At the same time, Jonathan and his best friend Anna walked together shoulder by shoulder. Different from others, they were not even saying a word to each other, on the contrary, they were both busy with their cellphone. （評）拉長句子後，同學們常犯的錯誤之一：缺連接詞，光靠逗號無法連接different from …each other 和 on the…cellphone這兩句。Anna was keeping up a running conversation with a Internet friend instead of the friend just standing by her side. Jonathan, as well as Anna, was busy on his cellphone. He was enjoying the music with the volume up to the maximum level in his normal routine. Just at that time, something terrible happened. Anna screamed with a bloody nose and sat on the ground with tears in her eyes. （評）先寫 Anna 撞到樹，再寫尖叫和受傷，這樣邏輯比較順。She just bumped into the tree but how exaggerated Jonathan is that he wasn't conscious about this. （評）用字不妥—exaggerate 意指 stretch the truth (誇大事實)。How…is 為感嘆句，he wasn't…又是一句，兩句無重疊之處，所以用 that 關代連接為錯誤的寫法。He kept walking with the headphone covering his ears. He didn't care about anything that was happening around him even when he was walking across the street. He didn't appear to hear the anxious driver sounding his horns, he just kept walking in a slow path. （評）缺連接詞，光靠逗號無法連接He…horns和 he…pace這兩句。Suddenly, Jonathan disappeared from the pedestrians' sight, he just fell into a enormous hole on the road and was sent to the hospital in a hurry.（評）缺連接詞，光靠逗號無法連接Jonathan…sight 和 he…road 這兩句。且之前未提到有路人注視 Jonathan，所以disappeared from the pedestrian's sight 有些突兀。 After this incident, Jonathan and Anna stay away from their smartphones. （評）stay away from N（離 … 遠遠的）這結論太嚴厲了些，建議提出正確使用手機的方式。They were aware that electronic devices are impacting their safety. They had learnt their lessons in a hard way.

一修：針對初稿，老師親自批閱，不逐字修，以劇情鋪陳是否合理，初步句構是否正確為批改重點。批閱後寄回給同學，請同學再次改寫。

It was such a relaxing afternoon that people in the city all went to the center park for a breath of fresh air. It was just the time that students started to enjoy their summer vacation. Undoubtedly, students were all prancing about with delight and chatting with their best friends on the street. （評）鋪梗部分還是太長，people in the city…等說法和圖上主題無關，可刪去。undoubtedly較常用在論說文，放在看圖說故事裡感覺語氣較生硬。Different from others, Jonathan and his best friend Anna were not even saying a word to each other; on the contrary, they seem to be keeping their smartphone near them from the moment they woke up until the moment they went to bed. （評）on the contrary用在論說文，放在看圖說故事裡語氣較生硬。說完雖是好友卻未交談後，應接著說為何沒交談（例如：忙著玩手機…），keeping…went to bed 這句顯然多餘，反而切斷說故事的流暢度。Anna was keeping up a running conversation with an Internet friend instead of the friend just standing by her side. Jonathan, and also Anna, was listening to blaring music through his headphones. （評）Anna 是玩手機，而非聽音樂，所以不需用and also Anna。Even when his headphones were clamped to his head others could hear every single lyric of his favorite song. Just at that time, something terrible happened. Anna screamed with a bloody nose and sat on the ground with tears in her eyes. （評）建議事件陳述順序如下：Anna撞樹 > Anna受傷 > Jonathan 沒注意到，因為他正大聲聽音樂 > 描寫音樂有多大聲 > 所以沒聽到喇叭聲 > 差點被輾過。She just bumped into the tree but Jonathan was immersed in the lead singer's raspy vocals, the band searing guitars solos catchy, and the rock tunes with heartfelt lyrics. He kept walking with the headphone covering his ears. He didn't care about anything that was happening around him even when he was walking across the street. He didn't hear the anxious driver sounding his horns. All of the pedestrians were looking at him with a strange look. Suddenly, he disappeared from the pedestrians' sight, he just fell into an enormous hole and all the people who award this came to him and reached him out. （評）award (授予/ 判定)為單字誤用，可改成 witness (目擊)。reach out (伸出)為片語誤用，可改成lend him a helping hand。Jonathan was then treated in the hospital emergency room. （評）從 reach out 到 was then treated 過程有斷層，建議：Jonathan was then rushed to the emergency room. After this incident, they were aware that electronic devices are impacting their safety and made them learnt their lesson in a hard way （評）邏輯不順。不是手機讓他們 learn a lesson the hard way，而是自己不良的手機使用習慣造成受傷送醫的結果。so that they limit the frequency of using cellphones and turning off the alert signals while walking.

二修：下週上課，老師領著同學一起完成細部調整，調整方向涵蓋用字 /文法 / 句型 / 文章結構 / 劇情邏輯等等，二修即最終定稿。定稿後，學生接著背誦自己的文章，將單字句構進一步內化。

Celebrating the start of the summer vacation, students pranced about with delight, chatting fervently with friends along the road. Unlike their peers, Jonathan and his best friend Anna walked side by side without exchanging a look or a word with each other. Both of them were heavy smartphone users with eyes glued to the screen at any given moment. As usual, Anna was busy switching between keeping up a running conversation with her Internet friends, scrolling through enthusiastic updates on Facebook, and playing a few rounds of cellphone games. The lure of the cellphone was too powerful for her to concentrate on whoever she was with in person and what was happening in her surroundings. Suddenly, she bumped into a tree in front of her, lost her balance, and landed head first on the ground. With blood and bruises all over her face, she let out a shrill cry that summoned passersby. A kind woman offered to give Anna a ride to a nearby hospital.  Meanwhile, Jonathan was totally unaware of Anna’s tragic accident. Wearing his headphones and cranking up the volume on his favorites, he was immersed in the lead singer's raspy vocals and the band’s searing guitars solos. When walking across the street, he didn't avoid the oncoming car. He didn't hear the anxious driver sounding his horns. All of the pedestrians looked at him curiously. In the next second, he fell into an enormous hole and disappeared from everyone’s sight. Several people scrambled to come to his rescue. Jonathan was then rushed to the hospital emergency room. Both Anna and Jonathan learned their lessons from the incidents the hard way. Aware that cellphones may impact their safety greatly, they decided to reduce cellphone use and turned off the alert signals while walking.

Samples for Picture Guided Writing

學測衝刺教學：102年度學測英文作文分享 - 看圖寫作

繼前一篇 103 學測英文作文分享，今天再賞析一篇學測衝刺教學同學就 102 年學測英文看圖寫作為題所寫成的作品。

初稿：老師於課堂上講解寫作方向，提示詞彙片語後，請同學於週間完成初稿，並寄至學測衝刺教學指定信箱。

After finishing a long school day, finally could I take the MRT to go home.（評）否定字放句首才需倒裝。When I walked on the car, （評）上車 get on / 下車 get off。I was so lucky to find a seat. Though it was a priority seat, I still sat down without hesitation because I was really tired. As soon as I sat down, I had my cellphone out and started to scroll through enthusiastic updates on Facebook and responded messages on Line. While I was busy typing text messages to my friends, I noticed a weak man with white-haired stand behind me. He suffered from shaking in legs when standing and seemed to collapse at any moment. I knew I should yield the seat to him, but fatigued as I was, I decided to pretend that I wasn't aware of him.（評）Adj as S + V = Though S + V，這句型意指「雖然…」，用在這，句意不順，需修改，且fatigue 多做名詞使用。Therefore, I kept typing my messages and also played a few rounds of my favorite cellphone games, Candy Crush.（評）上一句pretend that I wasn’t aware…和這一句kept typing 沒有因果關係，故可刪除therefore。I ignored the dirty looks and whispers from other passengers. Although I felt a little ashamed, I still did nothing until I got to my destination.（評）不是沒做事，而是持續玩手機玩到下車。 After a few days, I played a basketball game during the PE class. Just at the moment that I ran to guard against Johnny that I badly bumped with someone.（評）沒有主詞和動詞，無法構成句子，建議改成：Just at the moment that I ran to guard against Johnny, I bumped into…。It was such a hard hit that I bloodied my nose and sprained my ankle. I was asked to walk on crutches until my ankle was healing. On that day, when I walked on the MRT difficultly, I found there is no spare seats.（評）difficultly 不常用，建議善用動詞描繪上車情況，讓讀者明白腳傷有多嚴重。同時可描寫一上車發現沒位子坐時當下的心情。After standing for few minutes, I felt acute pain in my ankle. I started to look around to find seat again and found a girl sitting on the priority seat. She seemed to be absorbed in her novel and was insensitive to whatever happened around her.（評）重整架構，讓文句更俐落緊密。建議改成：站了一會，我的腳開始發疼。我多麼希望坐在我前方博愛座上專心看書的女孩可讓座給我。My ankle got more and more painful that I stood closer to the girl and hoped she could discover my hurt feet. Before long, the girl saw me and quickly yielded the seat to me. As soon as I sat down, the situation that I occupied the priority seat and neglected the old man's pain came up to my mind.（評）回憶…發生的「景象」需用scene of N。「…湧上心頭」需用came to my mind。Not until that moment did I come to realize it was cold-hearted of me to turn a blind eye to the vulnerable. Since then, I have made a decision of lending a helping hand to the weak instead of ignoring them.

一修：針對初稿，老師親自批閱，不逐字修，以劇情鋪陳是否合理，初步句構是否正確為批改重點。批閱後再寄回給同學，請同學再次改寫。

After finishing a long school day, I took the MRT to go home. When I got on the car, I was so lucky to find a seat. Though it was a priority seat, I still sat down without hesitation because I was really tired.（評）tired和接下來一直玩手機有衝突。As soon as I sat down, I had my cellphone out and started to scroll through enthusiastic updates on Facebook and responded messages on Line. While I was busy typing text messages to my friends, I noticed a white-haired old man stand in front of me. He suffered from shaking in legs when standing and seemed to collapse at any moment.（評）再重整文意會更漂亮。建議：He couldn't stop his legs from shaking or twitching and seemed to collapse at any moment。I knew I should yield the seat to him, but tired as I was, I pretended that I wasn't aware of him.（評）tired 這個梗不適用，要修。I kept typing my messages and also played a few rounds of my favorite cellphone games, Candy Crush. I ignored the dirty looks and whispers from other passengers. Although I felt a little ashamed, I was busy refreshing my Facebook feeds and “likes” friends’ posts until I got to my destination. A few days later, I played a basketball game during the PE class. Just at the moment that I ran to guard against Johnny, I bumped into Robert. It was such a hard hit that I bloodied my nose and sprained my ankle. After receiving careful examination and treatment, I was told to walk on crutches by the doctor until my ankle was healing. This morning, I dragged my feet to get on the MRT and walked clumsily on crutches. Looking around, I was disappointed to find all the seats were occupied. After standing for few minutes, I felt acute pain in my ankle. I started to look around to find seats again and found a girl sitting on the priority seat. My ankle got more and more painful that I stood closer to the girl and hoped she could discover my difficulty.  However, she seemed to be absorbed in her novel and was insensitive to whatever happened around her.（評）劇情先後順序有些錯亂，句子需重整。建議：發現女孩坐在博愛座 > 女孩全神貫注看小說 > 你心中祈禱能引起女孩注意。Fortunately, my prayers were soon heard. Seeing my miserable suffering, the girl leapt to her feet and yielded the seat to me. As soon as I sat down, the scene of my neglecting the frail old man and occupying the priority seat came to my mind. Not until this moment did I come to realize it was cold-hearted of me to turn a blind eye to the vulnerable. Since then, I have made a decision of lending a helping hand to those in need instead of ignoring them.

二修：下周上課，老師領著同學一起完成細部調整，調整方向涵蓋用字 / 文法 / 句型 / 文章結構 / 劇情邏輯等等，二修即最終定稿。定稿後，學生接著背誦自己的文章，將單字句構進一步內化。

After finishing a long school day, I went home by MRT. When I got on the car, I was so lucky to find a seat. Though it was a priority seat, I sat down without hesitation anyway. As soon as I took the seat, I had my cellphone out, switching between scrolling through enthusiastic updates on Facebook and responding messages on Line. While I was busy typing text messages to my friends, I noticed a white-haired old man stand in front of me. He couldn't stop his legs from shaking and twitching and seemed to collapse at any moment. I knew I should yield the seat to him; however, I was reluctant to give up the comfort of sitting back and using my cellphone. I pretended he was invisible, keeping playing a few rounds of my favorite cellphone games, Candy Crush. I ignored the dirty looks and whispers from other passengers. Although I felt a little ashamed, I then immersed myself in refreshing my Facebook feeds and “likes” friends’ posts until I got to my destination. A few days later, I played a basketball game during the PE class. Just at the moment that I ran to guard against Johnny, I bumped into Robert. It was such a hard hit that I bloodied my nose and sprained my ankle. After receiving careful examination and treatment, I was told to walk on crutches by the doctor until my ankle was healing. This morning, I dragged my feet to get on the MRT and walked clumsily on crutches. Looking around, I was disappointed to find all the seats were occupied. After standing for few minutes, I felt excruciating pain in my ankle. In front of me was a priority seat. The girl sitting in it seemed to be absorbed in her novel and was insensitive to whatever happened around her. I prayed wholeheartedly that she would notice me struggling on crutches and kindly offered me her seat. Fortunately, my prayers were soon heard. Seeing my miserable suffering, the girl leapt to her feet and yielded the seat to me. As soon as I sat down, the scene of my neglecting the frail old man and occupying the priority seat came to my mind. Not until this moment did I come to realize how cold-hearted I was to turn a blind eye to the vulnerable. Since then, I have made a decision to lend a helping hand to those in need instead of ignoring them.

Samples for Writing English Letters

學測衝刺教學：101年學測英文作文/ 書信寫作分享

今天我們再接再厲來看看學測英文作文的第三種出題形式—書信寫作吧。書信寫作可概分成正式和非正式兩類。前者包括一般商業信函、求職信和推薦信等。而後者則以私人社交信函為主。兩者在格式和標點符號上稍有不同，請見下表。

正式書信	非正式書信
正式信函右上角需加註寄信人住址及日期	日期需置於信函右上角，年與月日之間用逗號隔開
稱呼上方需加註收信者姓名（或單位名稱）及住址	稱呼之後加逗號
稱呼之後加冒號	結尾詞第一字字首大寫，其後加上逗號。書信寫作中可用的結尾詞有：[親近的人] (With/ In) Love, [表關切真誠] Sincerely yours,/ Yours truly,/ Warm regards,/ Your friend,
不可用縮寫字
信件儘可能打字，簽名部分先親筆簽名下方再搭配打字

---

接下來和大家分享衝刺教學同學以101年學測英文作文為題所寫成的非正式書信一篇。

題目：你最好的朋友最近迷上電玩，因此常常熬夜，疏忽課業，並受到父母的責罵。你（英文名字必須假設為 Jack 或 Jill）打算寫一封信給他/她（英文名字必須假設為 Ken 或 Barbie），適當地給予勸告。注意：必須使用上述的Jack或Jill在信末署名，不得使用自己的真實中文或英文名字。 

初稿：老師於課堂上講解寫作方向，提示詞彙片語後，請同學於週間完成初稿，並寄至學測衝刺教學指定信箱。

Oct. 25, 2014 Dear Ken, Recently, every waking moment, you always sit in front of the computer and play your favorite LOL. On weekends, you would play for over twenty hours straight, skipping meals. Besides, you even avoid using the bathroom and taking a shower, only not to miss one second of the game. （評）信件一開頭就應明確點出寫這封信的動機為何？接著鋪陳事情的來龍去脈。又 weekends 做什麼這些訊息是打從哪兒來的呢？Your mom was worried about you because she saw you pound your ten fingers upon your pillow in search of a keyboard in the middle of your sleep. I was worried about you, too. You used to do well at school but since you became addicted to online games, your school grades suffered. In addition, you either missed homework deadlines or turned in lousy homework. What bothered me most was that you isolated yourself from friends. You didn’t play basketball or go shopping with us anymore. You spent all your time trying to advance to next level in the game. You became irritated when we called you while you were using computer. （評）詞彙完整，但句子多以 you 開頭，看來較單調，行有餘力可做些句式變化。 （評）第一段的弱點在於陳述邏輯有些零亂，建議調動句子順序，如：我寫這封信是因為我很擔心你 ＞ 你最近沉迷於線上遊戲，因而在學校…（點出不對勁的項目）＞你爸媽也很擔心你 ＞ 從你爸媽那得知你在家…（點出不對勁的項目）。  I know that you are a perfectionist. When you can’t attain excellence, you become anxious and depressed. And when your performance can’t meet your parents’ high expectations, you seem to lose confidence in yourself. That is why you turn to the Internet for temporary release of pressure. However, after you get off the computer, you face the same problems. As your friend, I think you don’t have to be the best every time to be successful. We all learn through trials and errors. （評）加入一句 「失敗只是暫時的，只是通往成功的道路上的小插曲」這樣會更好，進而建議朋友要學著容忍暫時的不完美。I think there are other ways to relieve pressure such as playing basketball or seeing a movie. （評）突然從上ㄧ句「接受不完美」到這一句「抒壓」太過跳躍，要加過渡。Why not take up your old hobbies that give you a great sense of achievement? To fight your Internet addiction, you might try setting reasonable Internet use time and stick to it. The offline world offers much more interesting activities for you to experience and explore. （評）結尾太弱。Why 那句著重「抒壓」，To fight 這句提到「力抗沉迷網路遊戲的方法」，最後The offline 這句又點到「真實世界比線上虛擬世界更有趣」，三個分散且不連貫的點，結尾顯得雜亂無力。  Your friend, Jack

二修：下周上課，老師領著同學一起完成細部調整，調整方向涵蓋用字 / 文法 / 句型 / 文章結構 / 劇情邏輯等等，二修即最終定稿。定稿後，學生接著背誦自己的文章，將單字句構進一步內化。 

Oct. 25, 2014 Dear Ken, I was worried about you. You used to do well at school but since you became addicted to online games, your school grades tumbled. Not only did you doze off in class but you turned in shoddy homework or missed assignment deadlines. Besides, you isolated yourself from friends. I can’t think of the last time you hung out with us. After school, you simply withdrew from all activities and spent every waking moment trying to advance to next level in League of Legends. You seemed to turn into everything that you said you would never be. Also, I heard from your parents that on weekends, you would play for over twenty hours straight, as if possessed by some mysterious outside force. You skipped meals altogether and avoided bathing or using the bathroom for fear of missing one second of the game. When they shut the game off, you freaked out and went ballistic. Obviously, you have lost yourself within a virtual world and neglected many of your real-world priorities. I am concerned that constant gaming would eventually take a heavy toll on your health, studies and relationships. I know that you are sort of a perfectionist. Stress accumulates when you don’t attain excellence. With the college entrance exam fast approaching, you shoulder even more pressure than ever. Therefore, you turn to those thrilling online games for temporary stress relief. Yet, I think there is a fine line between entertainment and a full-blown addiction. As your best friend, I would like to see you overcome your Internet addiction and get your life back in order. I can’t tell you how much I miss the witty old Ken, who struck a good balance between study, leisure, and social life. Above all, there are many better ways to keep stress at bay other than indulging yourself in online gaming. Why not take up your old hobbies that give you a great sense of achievement? Why not resume practice with the school basketball team? All your teammates and fans who nickname you “The Savior” await anxiously for your return. Promise me that you would start setting reasonable Internet use time and wane yourself off gaming as soon as possible. And I want you to know that you can always count on me. Whenever you need someone to confide in or share your burden, I will always be on your side because this is what friends are for. Once you break the vicious cycle of the Internet addiction, you are sure to find that the offline world offers much more interesting activities for you to explore, experience and enjoy! Your friend, Jack

Samples for Writing English Letters

學測衝刺教學：101學年度北模 - 書信英文作文分享

105 學年度第一次學測英文模擬考中，沉寂一陣子的書信作文體裁又重出江湖，殺得許多同學措手不及。今天就以101 台北學測模擬考作文「園遊會」為題，讓同學了解基本的書信格式，也和大家分享「學測衝刺」成功高中 黃同學 迸發的活動創意 : D

提示：從小到高中，大家都有參加園遊會的經驗。請寫一封邀請函，請你的親朋好友來參加學校園遊會。第一段說明園遊會的時間和主題，你將要賣什麼產(食)品或辦什麼活動，同時說明其特色。第二段說明如何抵達會場及園遊會所得用途。請注意：信頭稱謂請用 Dear All，信末署名需用 John 或 Jane。

初稿：老師於課堂上講解寫作方向，提示詞彙片語後，請同學於週間完成初稿，並寄至學測衝刺教學指定信箱。

Dear All, （註：書信作文開頭，人名稱呼後要打「逗號」）

This year, our school fair is decided to be hold on 10/30. It will be opened at 4:00 p.m. and finish approximately at 9:30 p.m.. Different from the past event which just sold some snacks and played some boring games（註：關代 which 代替前面的名詞 past event，event 不會 sold / played，文法錯誤，建議刪除這節。）, this time, our subject is "Brave." （註：活動主題 theme，非 subject (學科 / 話題 / 受測者)。）The event features 3 parts. First, in the entrance is the ghost house. Every guest has to get through the ten-minute-long dim tunnel, and along the way, there are plenty of "surprises" waiting for you. （註：這是一般大家想像的鬼屋，文法上都正確，但就是缺了亮點，可多加點創意。）In addition, as soon as you pass the tunnel, several peddlers exhibit in front of you, and they are all in Halloween styles. （註：將 exhibit (展示) 改成 show up / appear (出現)。要仔細描寫小販所販售的食物，食物也應扣緊 Halloween / 恐怖片這主軸。）Beside the food and drink, we also have many club performance like guitar, drama, magic, and honor guard. （註：Beside (= next to) 要換成 Besides (除…以外) 。many 後方的 performances 應為複數。表演節目和內容還是要扣緊 horror 這主軸。）Moreover, there will be a horrible movie （註：horrible (adj.) 可怕的。應換成 horrible movie）playing in the auditorium at 7:00. If you want to challenge your bravery, just come! （註：換成 test your mental limitation 更好）

And how to go to our school? （註：how to…這句非完整句子，應避免在作文中出現。）The most convenient way is that taking he MRT to the Shandao Temple station and go out from exit 5. （註：關代 that 後方要加完整句子，要有完整動作，taking 需改成 take。又或去掉 that，改成 taking…and going…。）Once you leave the station, go straight for about 100 meters and on your left hand side is our school. Apart from taking the MRT, you can also take bus 208, 262, 304, which directly reach there. By the way, our school fair ticket cost 300 dollars. It is mean that you won’t spend any money while entering the place. （註：ticket 應該搭 costs。is / mean 雙動詞，文法錯誤。實際上參加者花了 300 元買入場券，而不是不花一毛錢入場。反而應說明入場券可抵園遊會中的哪些項目。）All our profits will donate to ICRC. （註：profits 應搭配被動式 be donated。）You will not only attend a sensational celebration but also make charities. （註：中式英文，應改成 make charitable contributions。）Don’t you want to experience a different and interesting Halloween? Don’t hesitate. We all welcome you to come.                                           

Sincerely,

John

（註：信尾署名 (John) 和敬語 (Sincerely) 不在同一行。Sincerely 後方需打逗號。）

二修：下周上課，老師領著同學一起完成細部調整，調整方向涵蓋用字/ 文法/ 句型/ 文章結構/ 劇情邏輯等等，二修即最終定稿。定稿後，學生接著背誦自己的文章，將單字句構進一步內化。

Dear All,

This year, we will hold a fair to celebrate our school’s 80th anniversary and Halloween. And we would like to invite you, along with your family and friends, to join us on Oct. 30th, from 4 pm to 9:30 pm. We promise to have something for everyone, so get ready to have great fun. Different from the past celebrations, this time, we make “bravery” the main event theme. For those of you who love some thrills and chills, you can sign up for the “haunted house.” Unlike the typical 5-minute walkthrough maze with sickly corpses jumping out at you, our “Gates of Hell” is created by hardcore terror fanatics and employs movie-quality props and special effects. The house features various horror elements that get inside your head in ways too horrible to describe. For example, you might be unexpectedly stuffed into a coffin or trapped in scary illusions such as being attacked by something invisible and then left soaked in your own blood. In addition, if you are more a food lover than thrill-seekers, there are 100 stalls offering a great variety of “spooky,” mind-blowing delicacies inspired by well-known horror movies. Among the snacks is green slime popcorn. Rumor has it that if you eat a whole bowl in front of the mirror in a dark room and say Bloody Murray three times, the busters will appear. Besides, if you are willing to venture to a vampire diet, you can sample those blood orange pops to see how Cullens in the movie Twilight quench their blood cravings. Another highlight of this fair is an afternoon live concert, which boasts student artists singing the creepy theme songs of classic horror movies or put on shows adapted from popular thrillers. Moreover, there will be a horror movie playing in the auditorium at 7:00. If you want to test your mental limitation, just come! 

As for the transportation, the most convenient way to get to our campus is to take the MRT to the Shandao Temple station and get out at exit 5. Once you leave the station, go straight for about 100 meters, and on your left-hand side is our school. Apart from taking the MRT, you can also take bus 208, 262, 304 and get off right in front of the school gate. The admission fee is $300 per person and it includes unlimited access to the haunted house, the concert, shows, and exhibitions. All our profits will be donated to the charities including the ICRC. This means that by attending this sensational celebration, you are also making a big difference to the lives of those in need. Above all, don’t you want to experience Halloween in different ways? Don’t hesitate! The tickets are expected to sell out soon so you had better sign up now.  

        

Sincerely,

John